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Book Jeannette!

Jeannette is available to perform her one-woman show ‘Blindsided’ at theaters, comedy venues and colleges nationwide. Please contact Dylan Gadino at dylan@laughspin.com to submit your request. Thanks!

Marriage Proposal #3

Share This: I just met Madea’s twin at Whole Foods in the checkout line. She looked in my little basket. Madea- Look at that piece of chocolate. There must be lots of calories in that. Me- It’s Sunday. Who cares about calories? Madea- Hell with that figure you got, you don’t need to worry about calories on any day of the week! Me- Well not exactly, but thank you. (Madea picks up the wine in my basket) Madea- Is this sweet? I like sweet red wine! Me- (Not thinking before I open my mouth) Then you should get the ménage trois. That’s the best. (Medea lets out a Madea laugh at the top of her lungs) Madea- Well I would like to try that just because of the name sister! (There was a silent pause as she strokes the wine bottle) Madea- Maybe you want to come over with me and my boyfriend to have some? I bet by the end of the night he will want to marry both of us! (I gently take back the wine bottle and pat her on the shoulder) Me- I bet…him and every other man in America! Onward and upward…without the ménage trois…for today at... read more

#accosted #whitebitch

Share This: All my life I was taught to be nice to people or “God would punish me.” In my teenage years that statement turned me into a doormat. People would make fun of me or my boyfriends’ would treat me like shit and I just took it. Why? So that a mysterious figure in the sky wouldn’t punish me? The situation only got worse after two of my friends took their own lives. Then, not only was I worried that “God would punish me,” I was also worried that my words would cause a third person to take their life as well. So, it was easier for me to just swallow what I had to say. Even if that person deserved to be put back in their place. There is only so long that you can take verbal abuse without fighting back before it will come out in a different way. Right around the age of eighteen was when all of the hurtful things that had been said to me started to come out in a negative way. I had always had a habit of twisting my hair, but all of a sudden I started to rip it out. I also started to get terrible acne and the thought of killing myself was constantly on my mind. That was when I took a long hard look in the mirror and said, “It’s time to give therapy a shot.” As I called around searching for the best therapist who would fit my needs, I would ask two questions. “Can you help me stop thinking about killing myself and can you... read more

A Single Girl, A Phlebotomist, Mixed With A Little Karma

Share This: I am sure that it doesn’t surprise you to hear the child of a nun and a monk lives in constant fear that God will punish her if she acts out in anyway. I would like to say that this fear of mine is irrational, but it’s proven time and time again. Or, maybe I am wrong. Perhaps it’s a little ole thing we call karma. Let me start by telling you a story about one of my best friends’ growing up. Her name is Amy. Amy and I have known each other since we were in kindergarten. We have been through everything together including many doctors’ appointments. I used to love to go with her because she always passed out when she saw a needle. I was highly entertained. I would laugh, and laugh, and laugh some more until she would wake up. Little did I know God, or karma, was sitting right there in the room with us just waiting to pay my ass back. Fast forward to 10 years ago. I went for my annual physical and they decided to run some blood tests. Sure, no problem. I walk into this room with a phlebotomist, a table, and three chairs. Someone is getting their blood drawn and there is a mother and a child up next. The kid is crying hysterically and the mom is trying to calm him down. She leans to me and says, “Do you mind going next?” Sweet, less waiting at the doctor, what did I do to score such luck? I sit down and I can hear the mother. “Watch... read more
Marriage Proposal #1

Marriage Proposal #1

Share This: All I ever hear is, “Once a woman hits her late thirties, all she thinks about is marriage!”  I wouldn’t consider myself desperate, but the thought does cross my mind. However, the world is lying to themselves if they think women are the only ones who think about it more and more as they hit their late thirties. I know this because men talk to me about it all the time. Or, better yet, men ask me to marry them on a weekly basis. Just ask the guy I met at Starbucks yesterday! I was standing behind him as he was ordering and then he turned to me and started chatting. Guy- I didn’t mean to hold up the coffee line there. Me- It’s no problem. Guy- So you’re headed to the gym. Me- Well kind of, I work at a gym. Guy- Oh you’re a trainer, I can tell. You must do fitness modeling. Me- Me? Oh no, not me! (It’s important to note here- he was actually my age and very good looking- so I actually feel myself blushing and smiling) Guy- Why not?! You certainly have the body for it! Me- Well thank you, but no. I am Italian. I eat pizza and pasta. No fitness modeling here. Guy- You should, you are probably smoking hot in a bikini. (And here was the key moment where I snapped out of it and think to myself- oh this slick motherfu$&@r) Me- Oh you sneaky bastard! You almost got me! Guy- (He starts laughing) What, I am serious! Are you single? Come get in a bikini... read more

A Single Girl And Her Gynecologist

Share This: When I am not working on my one woman show, I am busy working in the fitness industry. Before I begin this diary entry it’s important to note I have been a certified personal trainer for 15 years. I have trained hundreds of people and one of them was my gynecologist. I tell you that fact so it’s clear that the story I am about to tell you isn’t a story about a gynecologist lacking professionalism. It’s a story about my gynecologist who became my client and knows me more than a doctor typically knows his patient. A little over 10 years ago, little did I know I was about to have my heart broken. Actually, I was headed for more than a heartbreak, I was about to have my guts ripped out from within. As the relationship was coming to an end, I had a doctor’s appointment with my gynecologist. My boyfriend at the time was sitting with me in the lobby and we were having an argument over the trust issues I was having. In the middle of the argument the office door opens and I hear, “Jeannette Rizzi.” There he was, my doctor who is McDreamy’s doppelganger, standing with my chart. My boyfriend looked at me and said, “Really?” And with a sweet fuck you voice I smile and say, “Yes, really.” We walk into the exam room and I could tell the doctor didn’t recognize me. I had straightened my hair and lost about 20 pounds. The doctor was asking me the typical questions and the last one was “What is it you... read more

A Little Lesson from the Movie Amistad

Share This: Anyone who has ever met my mother will tell you she has touched many lives though out her time here on Earth. Even though she takes a little heat in my show, she is every reason why I have become the woman I am today. This week, without even knowing, she has been on my mind every night before I go to bed. My day job gets stressful at the end of the month and my anxiety levels go through the roof. I have tried many ways to ease it and one thing that was suggested was to watch 30 minutes of Reality TV before bed. “It doesn’t require you to think Jeannette, try it and see what happens.” I tried it and it did the opposite. Instead of shutting down, my mind went into a tailspin. “What the hell? Why are these people on TV? I can’t watch this shit! Shut up already, these are not real problems!” So I changed the channel. Last Monday as I was flipping through my Netflix I stumbled upon the movie Amistad. I thought of my mom, smiled, and hit play. Each night I watched 30 minutes before bed and slept fairly well. No, the movie is not funny and it does require you to think. Even though it was the first time I have seen it, Amistad and I have history together. When I graduated from High School I decided I was going to be a lawyer. I knew it was going to be a lot of hard work, but I was determined to maintain a high GPA in... read more