Just Like Mom

Share This: Every girl remembers the moment she said it. “I am nothing like my mother!” When I said it I was probably fourteen or fifteen years old. I stood by that statement even as I approached my early twenties. My friends would say, “You’re exactly like your mother!” I would shrug it off and reply, “No, I am completely different.” Then, something changed. It kind of crept up on me slowly. I am not sure of the exact date, but I think it was when I started to develop this obsession with water. I always have it with me, but then the news came out that it could cause Cancer if the plastic were to get overheated in a car. I had gone to visit my friend Amy and her husband in Quantico for the 4th of July. We had been out all day in the heat and had a few water bottles left. I was outside pouring it on all of the bushes and trees. Amy came outside and asked what I was doing. I looked up and said, “We can’t drink this, but we can’t just throw it out so I am giving it back to the Earth. She has been good to us and we should do something nice in return.” Amy laughed and said, “You sound just like your mother!” Next I was with my friend Morgan. We were on our way back from a meeting and we heard a news report. Someone stole a man’s prosthetic leg out of his truck. Before I knew it, the words popped right out of my mouth...
New Year’s Resolution 2017

New Year’s Resolution 2017

Share This: It’s that time of year again! We see them all over the place, those pesky little New Year’s resolutions. What will it be this year? Lose weight, stop eating fast food, make more money, quit the job you hate, get rid of the lover you hate, find the love of your life? Or how about no resolution at all? That might be easier. I have to admit up until my mid-twenties I picked all of the above. It wasn’t until 2007 that I started to make real New Year’s resolutions that I stuck with. Ultimately, those resolutions have not only saved my life, but they have made me the woman I am today. Right before Christmas in 2006 the man that I loved more than I loved myself walked out of my life with half of my belongings and my entire heart. Perhaps it wouldn’t have been such a tragedy if I hadn’t already lost two of my dear friends to suicide. And to make matters worse, he wasn’t the first man that I loved who stomped all over my heart and walked away without a proper goodbye. Was this what life was all about? People you love either shoot themselves or pretend to love you and then turn around and rip your guts right out? They just leave your life forever with no goodbye or explanation. I thought so and because of that I decided that I too wanted to take my own life. I walked to the edge of my balcony and right before the second foot came off of the ground, my little dog...

Marriage Proposal #2

Share This: I guess I should keep the hope alive. I got another marriage proposal today while I was working. Man- My goodness you are beautiful, are you married? Me- Nope Man- Will you marry me? I am 84, I still have my own teeth, my penis still works, and I have a little bit of money! Me- Well you had me all the way up until the little bit of money...
Marriage Proposal #1

Marriage Proposal #1

Share This: All I ever hear is, “Once a woman hits her late thirties, all she thinks about is marriage!”  I wouldn’t consider myself desperate, but the thought does cross my mind. However, the world is lying to themselves if they think women are the only ones who think about it more and more as they hit their late thirties. I know this because men talk to me about it all the time. Or, better yet, men ask me to marry them on a weekly basis. Just ask the guy I met at Starbucks yesterday! I was standing behind him as he was ordering and then he turned to me and started chatting. Guy- I didn’t mean to hold up the coffee line there. Me- It’s no problem. Guy- So you’re headed to the gym. Me- Well kind of, I work at a gym. Guy- Oh you’re a trainer, I can tell. You must do fitness modeling. Me- Me? Oh no, not me! (It’s important to note here- he was actually my age and very good looking- so I actually feel myself blushing and smiling) Guy- Why not?! You certainly have the body for it! Me- Well thank you, but no. I am Italian. I eat pizza and pasta. No fitness modeling here. Guy- You should, you are probably smoking hot in a bikini. (And here was the key moment where I snapped out of it and think to myself- oh this slick motherfu$&@r) Me- Oh you sneaky bastard! You almost got me! Guy- (He starts laughing) What, I am serious! Are you single? Come get in a bikini...