Grocery Store Troubles

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Today, I am happy. Like, over the top HAPPY! Could be because I had a good day at work, could be because I put extra butter on my toast this morning, could be because my fiancé convinced me early morning sex would be the ultimate cure for this stupid cold I’ve been battling. Nonetheless, I am happy.

After I finished up my work, I stopped at the grocery store. And this next part goes to show just how happy I am today- the lines at Whole Foods were ridiculous! But…there I stood happily waiting my turn. The man in front of me unloads his overly stuffed cart onto the conveyor belt — huffing and puffing — and says to the clerk, “I have to pay all the bills and go to the grocery store too because I have a LAZY wife!”

I am still standing there. Happily holding my little basket. He takes one look at me, two looks, and on the third he rolls his eyes, exhales his grumpy breath all over me and says, “You know you can put your basket down. You don’t have to stand there exercising!”

While it did catch me completely off guard, my first thought was the two little words my future stepdaughter likes to say, “How RUDE!” Then I smiled, exhaled my happy breath on him, and said–

#1- The only thing in this basket is some mango, arugula and a mushroom so trust me — I didn’t feel the need to exercise.

#2- People like you are the reason America has an obesity problem. Standing in line, holding a basket is not now nor will it ever be exercise!

#3- I am sorry you’re having a bad day, but you don’t have to stand there acting like a dick!

Then of course the comedian in me had a silent fourth thought. “I sure hope this isn’t the Producer my manager is trying to get to come to my show next Friday night! Ugh- he’s too grumpy anyway!”

Onward and upward….hoping his wife convinces him early morning sex is the cure for her laziness and his grumpiness!